Day 13: Significant Experiences Results

The question was…

What Significant Experiences brought me Satisfaction and Peace?

As I went through my rolodex of memories, which I don’t have all that many because my memory is terrible, some things I remembered on my own and some I had to have others remind me of.

Some results are specific and some are general. But here goes…

Emma’s Birth

That was an amazing experience. I wasn’t quite ready for her when I found out I was pregnant but I had wanted a baby for awhile. And my pregnancy was not fun, both physical and emotional. But when I held her in my arms…I cried. Just to know that she was mine, a product of me and that she would love me unconditionally….AMAZING!!

Time with Emma

Don’t get me wrong…there are times when I feel like I just can’t do anymore with her. Who doesn’t feel that way? But the times when I am not thinking of anything else and just focused on her?!?!? When I am completely engaged with conversation with her. I am awed by her tenacity, her ability to communicate, the things she actually says and the amount of love she has for me! I revel in those specific times.

Watching a Performance

When I allow myself to not think and just focus on the show, be it live or on TV, I get so enthralled in the moment. When the performance is good, I feel it emotionally. Very much like with Emma, I have to be in that moment, not focused on anything else.

I think its about any moment, whether its with Emma, with Andreas, watching a performance, a project at work, when I can focus on just that, I get this sense of gratification and peace. But that is so hard for me to do. My mind goes ninety to nothing at all times.

But let me qualify by saying…I can do a work project, spend time with Emma and Andreas, blog, or anything else and give each of them focus. But its different when I can just spend the time thinking of it or them rather than allowing all the other thoughts to get muddled in amongst it all. I don’t know if I am making any sense to anyone but me.

Its like meditation…I cannot meditate. Its not that I can’t focus, its that my mind doesn’t relax. Ever! So those few moments when it can…such a blessing! Alright…beating a dead horse now.

Singing

I love to sing. I am not a performance singer at all. But I love it. I think the most awesome and proud experience for me, that brought me a lot of satisfaction is when I wrote my own song. Just one song. Nothing even fabulous. And I didn’t write the music itself, just the lyrics. But that was AWESOME!

Step Sing

Our UNA LION themed show with my ZTA sisters! That was awesome for me. That year my grandfather died during our two week prep sessions. But I was able to persevere, be good enough to be in the front or second row throughout the routine and make it through all the hard work and hours.

Winning

Anything! When I can close a deal at work! When I can come out on top in a contest! When I can finish a race of any sorts, be it intellectual or physical. I love that feeling of winning!

Helping Someone Else, Making a Difference

It does’t matter if its a service project or if its working with an individual. And it doesn’t matter if its business related or if its just something more personal. I love to help…in any form. That satisfaction of knowing I made a difference…is so gratifying and gives me a lot of peace!

Probably the MOST SIGNIFICANT Recently…

I don’t know how to categorize this one. I made a decision that is a bit outside of what I would normally decide or do.

To set the stage…

I have been running 3-5 times a week, early morning. At first, when I started, it was all about improvement. I would push myself to do that extra distance or improve my time. And I realized that if I didn’t get up that morning to run, or if I didn’t want to push myself because I just didn’t have the energy, that I was making myself feel guilty.

Guilty of What?

Not pushing myself? Not wanting to get better? I was beating myself up! I do that! All the time! Beat myself up for not being at my best.

What I discovered…

I don’t have to feel guilty anymore. Why was I pushing myself so much? Its not like I truly cared to run a marathon. I didn’t care to beat any one else’s time either.

In that moment, I felt such satisfaction and peace with a decision to just run. Running is healthy for me. It allows me to release my stress. It helps me to get my day off to a good start. And I don’t care to run in a marathon, to put myself in any competitive situation.