I started this challenge with the intent of it being a Consecutive 30 Day Challenge. It was supposed to be as a means to help me pick myself back up and get back into blogging regularly. I have achieved neither.
So now the question is Why?
Why am I still in this state of sadness?
Why am I still not blogging regularly?
I think the answer to the second question is heavily reliant on the first as being in this state has caused a lack of motivation.
So why am I so sad these days?
The reality is that I have always struggled with it. Depression. Even as a kid. Sometimes I have used anti-depressants to help. Sometimes they were long periods and sometimes short ones. Sometimes I’m just happy and content. This stint, however, has been months.
It started when I had to start adapting to working full-time again, managing a baby, working with a 5 year old in kindergarten, dealing with the normal interpersonal relationship with my significant other and juggling the everyday home life. But then add property owners stuff and people who irritate me so much and BAM! You have a recipe for disaster. Most people probably wouldn’t let it all get them down, but for some reason, my personality, I let it. Mostly because I haven’t felt like I have been doing a good job in it all. I feel like I am doing a terrible job really. I am letting “to do” items slip both with work and in my personal life. And I have had challenges that I don’t seem to be able to overcome.
Why not do something about it? I am. I have been trying, although not consistently, to get me out of this funk. I have tried running again, eating more healthy, praying, notating the things that I am grateful for, tackling the tough items (one at a time), etc. You name it, I’ve tried it.
I have not been consistent. So…
I have to be better at this. I need to…
- Get up and run at least 3 times a week.
- Need to finish out this 30 Days of Gratitude and write consecutively.
- Eat more healthy daily.
- Make a list of the things that are haunting me (the to do items as well as the situations) and make a plan to get them done, deal with them differently or in a manner that improves the situation.
- Continue my weekly massages.
- Force myself to take a few minutes everyday for myself.
And!!! I need to go to the Dr for some help. Whether its anti-anxiety or something like a prozac. Not for long term, but at least for the short term.
I also need to turn any negative thought into a positive one. This one will probably be the hardest. When I am sad, I am negative. Negativity breeds negativity. So I have to be positive.
There are some things that will not change, like the one person who crawls under my skin more than anyone else. But instead of focusing on what he does, I need to remind myself that its not worth even thinking about.
Wow! I said all these things out loud! Someone else has now read them. Maybe this is a good start. During this challenge, I have alluded to things….picked a subject to write about and provided some detail, context and intimate thoughts, but this is the first time I have laid it all out. Maybe I’m on the right path finally.
This is my chance to hold myself more accountable since I have shared more than I normally would. Can I do it?
YES I CAN!!
So what am I grateful for today?
I am Grateful for…
- This blog as a means for me to share myself and hopefully hold myself accountable.
- You for coming back to read regularly.
- My life, family, friends, career, co-workers, neighbors, opportunities and the list goes on!
I am blessed!